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Alone WithOut My Kids

My Boys are my World

Sooo bored ..Sittin here thinkin about my kiddos .I miss them soo much..Never thought I wouldnt have them with me ..It so hurts me that I go throw this just hoping that it will be over one day soon…I dont know how much I have to prove I am a differnt person from back in day when i had my kids but confused now that Im doing better than ever and they aint here with me .And theres someone esle taking care of them I have lost my full cusdy when i got sent o prison .My oldest son Grandfather which is on sons father side had got him and then took me to court so that they could have cudsy of him to put in school and dr and so on .then my youngest son I left with his aunt of the fathers side .I have no family that would have help me out just til my realese .So this I had to deal with my youngest father desided to come into his life after 6 months of my stay in prison and went to get Andre from his sisters and then he took me to court to stop the child suport he was on and the judge gave my jiont cusdy so i am only reqired to see and get them on 1st ,3rd, 5th ,weekends of the month and hoildays .This is way Im so lost with out them I feel like I am part time to them .I was lock up 2 yrs from 2004 to 2006 my boys were 4 and 2 at that time .I did have contact with my oldest Trey Lee while I was locked by mail n visits but the other hand I did not get to see or have contact w my youngest Andre lee until I was relased .I then my first day to see Andre was so amazing and was the greatest thing ever and to know that he remebered who I was his momma with havein left him at age of 2 .no contect w him durin the 2 yrs i was gone .I am still sufferin so baldly that i dont have my babies well i should i say my boys living at home with there mother like they should be .but i am glad that i am who i am today that even tho I dont have my boys with me full time i still always remeneber that i have them and i have to stay right by them i so lost about why but at least they know im am here for them and that I will never leave them again .inorder for me to get my children home i do have to go in front of judge and pay a lawyer to get them time s have been hard on me since this 7 yrs i have been out that why i just hope they understand me …..Im try to stay foused and have faith …but Im hurtin …I dont understandwhy they cant be here with me .I have never done anything to my boys when they was at home .i did have a drinking problem but my kids had shelter n food and clothes .But Imade a mistake and went to prison that why I dont have them .no cps involed just inlaws took them in cause i had no family to take them They are my everything , my heart ,my love . Now they are 12 and finna be 11 in May .its so amazing to see all they do how much they have grown .Just somthing oin my mind and thought i would blogg about it .heres a picture of the a month before i was lock up in November of 2004 was halloween pic of them this was this last time i had them livin at home with me .